


The Confession

by haganenobeato



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Drama, F/M, Fluff, Romance, Some Plot, nothing but fluff, some arguments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-23 23:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9686879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haganenobeato/pseuds/haganenobeato
Summary: For the first time since Ishval, his heart moved him to action and it was like jumping into a rabbit's hole. A set of fireworks flared off in the distance and as the lights from it shone in his eyes, Roy Mustang had realized he was in love.





	1. Part One

The epiphany crashed into him like a steam-engine train going full-speed. It was a paralyzing moment in his life. The moment placed him at an unfamiliar crossroads between following the rules and following what his heart told him.

His mind reasoned that it was foolish, a dead-end, and wasn’t worth the hurt feelings. The implications that came with the epiphany not only jeopardized their efficient superior officer-subordinate relationship, but their long-standing friendship. But reminiscing their shared memories in the past, seeing her every day, and what they could do for the future only made it easier to silence those doubts.

For the first time since Ishval, his heart moved him to action and it was like jumping into a rabbit’s hole.

The façade of the serial dating Colonel became harder and harder to maintain. He became increasingly interest in leisure activities his Lieutenant partook and what she did in her time off. Because of his façade, his attempts at her attention weren’t taken seriously.

Intrusive thoughts gathered at night time. The playful jabs and tension between them only enabled him further. His mind play the sounds of her voice calling out to him, “Harder, Colonel” in the sultry voice only she could manage. He would shake his head clear like it was sin, feeling the heat gather at his cheeks, only to silently welcome them.

Roy Mustang’s realization that he was in love with Riza Hawkeye arose on a warmer-than-usual winter morning. The office became stuffier than they all had anticipated, but the First Lieutenant was the first to nonchalantly shed her military coat, revealing a dark, tight-knit thermal underneath. Like that, it became warmer for him without experiencing a change in the room’s temperature.

Havoc spoke up, “Hey Lieutenant.” Jean waited for her to look up and she hummed in response. “How about we take those sweater puppies to the dog park?”

The Colonel watched her stare at him, poker faced, expecting a rigid response from his stoic subordinate, “Jean, you don’t have the requisites to handle these ‘sweater puppies’.”

‘ _Jean? Jean?! Since when are they on first name basis?_ ’ Roy’s face twisted and his brow furrowed in confusion.

The eruption of noise from the other men, hooting and laughing, from Hawkeye’s response shook him from his thoughts. Havoc had admitted defeat by offering no response with an embarrassed grin, sinking in his chair. She smiled triumphantly.

First Lieutenant Hawkeye taking off her jacket was not the catalyst. He knew she was attractive before, even as they grew up together - from the first moment as the timid girl in the rickety Hawkeye Manor to the hardened solider he saw now. But he couldn’t explain the twisting feeling in the depths in his gut about this interaction.

Another soldier decided to chide in, Roy decided not to look up. He wound himself up in his own thoughts that he could bore holes into the form in front of him.

“Get back to work.” Hawkeye said in the stern voice he expected Havoc to receive.

‘Is there something going on between them?’ His eyes searched the paper in front of him, as if they contained the answer.

“Sir?” He looked up, unaware of the bewildered look on his face. “Is this apparel, specifically this shirt, within military policy or not?” She asked him.

Gripping his pen, he looked at her, then the shirt and immediately glanced back down. “Yes, it’s fine.” He tried to maintain composure, but there were curves and her figure and had she been working out? Specifically, her pectorals, because they were not perk-

“Colonel?” He nearly leaped out of his skin and to see his Lieutenant in front of his desk. She spoke again in a quieter voice, “Are you feeling well, sir? You look pale.”

‘ _What **is** this?_ ’ He felt tense. Was it in his head? Did he eat some moldy bread? He managed, “Yes, I’m fine.” He tried everything within his power to relax. He figured resting conjoined hands on his desk instead of tightly gripping a pen and clenched fist would look more natural. “How can I help you?”

Hawkeye handed a small stack of papers to him. “Here’s the report you wanted.” She returned to her normal tone. He nodded - like normal - as he grabbed them from her. But Hawkeye had another sheet of paper in her hands that she was sliding around the edges with her thumb and index finger, as if she was fidgeting. “I’d also like to request leave on behalf of Second Lieutenant Havoc,” Hawkeye raised her voice so it could carry, laying the leave form on his desk. “So that he may get the requisites to take my sweater puppies to the dog park.”

The office erupted in uncontained laughter from his unit. He noticed Havoc’s face turning bright red, but she upheld her stern front.

He gawked at her for a split second before forcing his mouth to form a half-cocked grin. “That’s very funny, Lieutenant.” It was subtle and miniscule, but he’d eat his own shoe if Roy didn’t just see Hawkeye’s lip twitch slightly upwards at the tight corner of her mouth. Without thought, Mustang continued, “There isn’t enough leave in the world in order for me to approve this.” The room erupted again in approval for his comment and his smirk was genuine.

“Right, sir.” Her reaction that followed threw him through a loop. Before heading back to her seat, she looked down, raising her eyebrows briefly, and mumbled under her breath. “I don’t know about that.”

Suddenly, the air from his lungs emptied out of him and a sense of unfamiliar dread sunk his gut - unsure if she had just confirmed fraternization with Havoc or if he was imagining what she said.

That evening, Roy gazed pensively at the untouched plate of food in front of him. Figures blurred by him as time went by. He noticed the table move from restless tapping on the other side. He turned his head upwards and an annoyed, but pretty lady on a date glared at him.

“Are you just going to sit there and stare at your food?”

“No,” he reassured, shifting in his chair. “You were telling me about your dog Bitsy.”

The girl sighed loudly, “That was five minutes ago.”

He shook his head, “That’s right. I’m sorry, Elizabeth.”

Her face contorted like he had just slapped her mother, scoffing, “I can’t believe this! My name is Catrina!” _Catrina_ got up from her chair, gathered her things and stormed off towards the exit.

Of course, it was. What was he thinking? He didn’t even try to stop her.

His walk home under the streetlights was filled with a similar stupor. The thought of Riza and Jean in a relationship occupied his mind, but it bothered him the most. Jean was his buddy and Riza was one of his closest friend. As a lenient interpreter of the fraternization regulations, his friends deserved all the happiness in the world.

As he kicked a rock into a sewer opening, Roy mulled the thought around in his head that Jean just wasn’t right for Riza. She joked once in a blue moon with an incredibly dry sense of humor, Roy knew she didn’t go out much, she was rigid, and married to her work.  

His fingers ran through his hair. Riza needed someone to take care of her, who’s head wasn’t in the clouds and got her jokes, if she ever made any. She needed someone who already understood her past, her dreams of the future, her nightmares, and the scars on her back. Someone like him.

A set of fireworks flared off in the distance and as the lights from it shone in his eyes, Roy Mustang had realized. 

_‘Oh._ _‘_

He was in love.


	2. Part Two

In the following weeks, the young Colonel from East City tried with all his might to shift the attention of his lovely Lieutenant to him.  Fraternization regulations be damned.

Within work hours, he’d make excuses for her to give him more attention than necessary: “ _bring these unnecessary reports”_ , “ _help file these expenses ahead of time”_ , or “ _assist me in filing this stack nearby”_. She didn’t swoon over his smirks, giggle at his jokes, or didn’t react in any way that indicated she admired him in that way.   Her resilience irked him, but what bothered him more was how long it took him to realize she wasn’t like the other women from the Eastern Command Center.

Mustang utilized his infamy as a womanizer to throw others off – his charm ensnaring even the most prudent of females. He earned the title of womanizer, though. The women he took out in the evenings hardly ever made it past a second date. In the past, a girlfriend or two did, all before Ishval, and one of them might have had the potential of being serious. He never understood why he was so non-committal. Until now.

The reason was right in front of him all these years, sitting there, dutifully sorting through paperwork. 

First, he began noticing her quirks, like when the sunset hit her face, the way her cheek would twitch from an immaterial slip-up, or when she’d ruffle her sharp bangs when her warm eyes became tired. Infuriating upon initial observation, though his recall of them evoked feelings of endearment.

Roy was at odds with himself. While her diligence was commendable, it annoyed him that she was so focused on her work and dedication to duty. He became determined to find something, a fact or a clue, that proved Hawkeye could color outside the lines. He yearned to know everything else about her.  She was his oldest friend, but everything about her now seemed so new.

He was alone, but the thought of her consistently kept his mind company.

\--

On the sidewalk of Verbena St where florists hawked their wares from overladen carts an understated, but beautiful white-petal flower with a golden pistil caught his eye.

“Hellebores,” the old lady informed him. She sported a suspiciously familiar ahoge. “Buy six, get the gratitude of a tired old woman free. Would you like some, lad?”

On impulse, Roy bought some with no consideration is how suspicious it would look to arrive at East Area HQ with a half-dozen bouquet of the things.

“Livening up the office, Colonel?” Second Lieutenant Breda asked as soon as Roy stepped through the doors.

He froze in his steps, caught red-handed. The Colonel arrived into his personal office with the rest of his unit sitting on his couch for a meeting that slipped his mind. “I – uhhh – a little appreciation goes a long way. To show how much I appreciate the rest of you.” As the situation forced his hand, the flowers were distributed: one for his desk, one of each of his subordinates, and “an extra for the pretty lady.”  The genuinely warm smile she gave him stayed with him until the end of that week.

“So, Lieutenant, do you have any plans tonight?”  All he could do is beat around the bush until he struck gold. It wouldn’t seem too out of the ordinary. It’s the end of the day, the sun is in the horizon, and two days off ahead of them.

Hawkeye’s fingers handled the lock to the office and they began to walk towards the exit, like she was thinking through her answer. “Yes, Rebecca set me up on a date with someone and I figured I’d give the fellow a chance.” 

_A date!?_ That familiar sinking feeling almost sent him reeling, but Roy masked any indication of discomfort with a whistle, “Wow, the Lieutenant on a hot date.” He opened the door for her leading to East City. Roy continued as they descended the streetlamp-lit stairs, “Who’s the lucky guy?” 

She scoffed lightly, “I… uh-“ 

Roy paused to look at her curiously. Since when did Hawkeye ever stutter. 

“Truth is, she did everything from her end and I’m not entirely sure who it is.” 

“Ah, like a blind date.” He assisted. 

“I suppose so.” Her brown eyes wandered to him. “And yourself?” 

“Oh. Haha! I have a date myself.” He didn’t. “I need to get going to get ready for my own lucky lady.” 

“Rightly so, sir.” Hawkeye fidgeted with her workbag. “Have fun.” 

“You, too.” Roy managed, turning his back to her.  “Take care, Lieutenant.”

In his own dwelling, Roy sulked indiscriminately – on his couch, in the shower, over the small pot of rice-for-one. The thought of some unforeseen rival in the midst made him incredibly jealous. Worst of all, it rendered Roy useless. He had to talk himself out of stalking his usual date spots to ‘accidentally’ bump into her. 

The thought of some chump having a nice evening with Riza all because he was too slow to come to his senses. His eyes widened and sat up from his pity shower, ‘ _What if she’s meeting her future husband?’_ Roy shook his head and a reassuring voice came to his rescue, there was no way. If his previous encounters with her were any indicator, Hawkeye is impervious to charm, however capable. And yet, the red-hot feeling of uncertainty and self-doubt failed to subside.

An unfamiliar feeling made impossible any chance of recreation during his days off. The anticipation of seeing her the next day, like a boy with a crush, monopolized his thoughts. He’d normally call her without a second thought, for anything at any time. But now, he was treating her as if she had never been around.  As if the Hawkeye’s impression of him needed to be established. But she already knew him. Roy’s charms were useless against his beautifully stoic Lieutenant. 

By the beginning of the following week, Roy let go of the flimsy excuses to keep her around for extra work and tried to be subtler, thinking ‘ _Maybe she’ll come around herself._ ’ 

She didn’t.

The Colonel found himself in Mess Hall, searching the sea of blue Amestrian uniforms.  Roy spotted her laughing and smiling with Jean and laughing some more. _Was she flirting? With HAVOC??_

He immediately changed course, the poisonous knife of jealousy twisting in his gut.  He left his uneaten tray at a table of hungry rookies. 

Roy became so obsessed that day with watching their interactions that he fell behind on his work. For Lieutenant Hawkeye, he knew that the tiniest flash of her eyes meant something. The sensation of his newfound feeling clouded his mind that up until then he hadn’t pieced together the fact that _Jean_ could have been the chump. The chump that evening. And again, this was Jean, but it was incontrollable. Jean didn’t deserve her. 

_Maybe I don’t either, but I’ll be damned if I let that easy-going son of a bitch fraternize with my Lieutenant._

\--

The Colonel leaned over his desk, terse fingers supporting him. He tried to find his words. “Is there something between you and Havoc?” 

 Lieutenant Hawkeye stood still in front of him and he could see her trying to stow away her usual tells. “Don’t tell me this is what this meeting is about.” 

“Just answer the question, Lieutenant.” His voice became harsh. 

“I plan to withhold that information, sir.” She declared. 

“Why?” The Colonel straightened himself, looking down at her. “You realize that’s as good as admitting it.” 

He spotted the faint reddening of her cheeks, but her cold stare didn’t waver. “I apologize, _sir._ But I have to disagree.”

“Enlighten me, Lieutenant.”  The slight twitch of her eyebrows, her cheeks, the emphasized “sir” - Hawkeye was getting furious.   

 “Unless you have concrete evidence - in other words, not just your hunch, you cannot accuse me or Second Lieutenant Havoc in any manner, shape or form of having more than a platonic relationship.” Her tone frigid, “And quite frankly, I’m offended, _sir_ , that you’d waste my time _and_ yours to ask personal and inappropriate questions.” She turned to leave.

“I did not dismiss you, Lieutenant.” Roy felt himself growl, walking around the wooden desk to follow. But the Lieutenant had just gone to her own work space to collect a stack of papers and intentionally let it drop with impact on to his desk. 

“What kind of soldier do you take me for?” She shot at him, resting a hand on top of the stack. 

“I used to think a communicative and efficient adjutant.” 

Colonel Mustang saw Hawkeye clench her fist atop the stack. “Okay, let me communicate this.” Her hand shifted to point, stepping in closer to glare at him. Through grit teeth, Hawkeye said, “Finish this paperwork.  ” 

“Answer me, Lieutenant.” 

“Allow me to go bring you a pen, Colonel.” She countered. 

With his voice carrying to fill the room after her, he ordered her: “You are not allowed to date Second Lieutenant Havoc, do you understand me?”  

Hawkeye stopped in her tracks, about-facing, and storming briskly towards him. She challenged his loud, stern voice with hushed fury, “You are the last person allowed to tell me who I can or can’t see on my free time while you shamelessly gallivant around with easy women. From within this command center, may I add.” 

“Do I have to document fraternization _and_ insubordination here, Lieutenant?” He looked down at her coldly and just briefly, there was a glint of hurt swirling amidst her angered eyes. 

“No, sir. Am I dismissed?” 

Mustang took a deep breath to calm himself as the Lieutenant slammed the door behind her. 


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! This one is for all my friends on tumblr who are all my valentines! <3 I'm happy I'm able to get this out and I hope I was able to close the loop eloquently! Enjoy!

Colonel Mustang paced around in his office, contemplating his immense mistake.

He argued with her like a petulant child, insulting her determination and loyalty to his own cause. Not even a year had gone by since she arrived at his office, standing firm, fresh off the train from Ishval with eyes aged far more than her tenure in the desert. She brought back her own dream, a final grasp on her young idealism, and she offered to join her dream with his.

How did he manage to simultaneously infuriate and hurt the very person he was trying to get even closer to?

He fell into his chair and mentally tried to visualize an optimistic outcome. He treaded unfamiliar ground, fueled by an alien emotion that hindered rational thought. 

Loving Riza from afar was one thing, but beginning a romantic relationship with her would prohibit the realization of his aspirations as a military senior officer.  He didn’t even know if his feelings were reciprocated.  If he were to confess and she rejected him, he could lose something even more important -- his oldest friend. If he were mad enough, he could consider throwing his career away for this woman, but he would never consider choosing a path that would separate them forever.

His elbows rested on the desk with his head cradled in his hands. He was so deep in thought he failed to notice the sound of someone entering his office nor the sickly-sweet aroma that usually accompanied cigarette smokers. 

“Hey, boss. Everything all right?”

Mustang leaned back in his chair and acknowledged the chump with a nod. He felt his ire rise, but he let it go with a sigh. The day had already seen too much battle. “Yes, Havoc. But I managed to earn the rage of the Hawkeye.” He scrambled, realizing how that sounded, and gestured towards the forms she’d left behind. “Because I didn’t want to do this paperwork.” 

Jean made himself cozy on the couch in front of him, arms extended at his shoulders, and raised his eyebrows, “That woman is a loaded pistol.”

He Internally groaned at their increasingly-evident familiarity. “No,” Roy reassured, shaking his head. “No, it was me. I was out of line.”

Havoc leaned on the edge of the desk, “I actually wanted to talk to you about her.”

_Great.  Here it comes._   “Is that so?”

“Yeah, felt like I needed to put it out there that Rebecca Catalina, don't know if you know her?” Roy nodded eagerly, urging him to go on. “She set us up on a blind date. All because I blabbed to Catalina about not having a girlfriend -  I guess she didn’t take the hint.”

He attempted to disguise how invested he was in this conversation, “With the Lieutenant? Must’ve been boring. Did you talk about work the entire time?”

Jean shook his head and shrugged, “Just a bit. Mostly about our experiences in Ishval, how we got here, my ma and pop’s shop in the country. And did you know, she’s from the boonies too? Ahh... a city dweller like you wouldn’t know what it’s like to find someone else who understands the ‘small-town life’.”

Mustang hid a smirk behind his interlocked fingers, “Not a clue. Is this going to impact the two of you being in the same unit?”

“She’s cute and all. Way out of my league, though. I know I wouldn’t have been able to land a date with her -ever.  It wouldn’t have mattered if wanted to try, though.  She’s waiting for her father’s apprentice who had gone into the war. When she mentioned that he was  MIA... man, I’ve never seen sadder eyes on a woman. But we had a good time just talking over dinner.”

Frustration quickly turned into relief, and relief began giving way to dread. As calmly as he could manage, he said, “Thanks for briefing me on the situation with our Lieutenant. I appreciate you letting me know.”

“Yeah, sure, Chief.” He said, standing. “Didn’t want to make it weird if it ever came up.” 

The Colonel led him out of the room, “No, I understand. By chance, do you know where I could find her? I need to apologize to her eventually.”

Jean stood pensively under the threshold as Roy held the door, “Not sure, probably with Catalina.”

“Right, right. Thank you again, Lieutenant.” After closing the door, Roy leaned against the sturdy wooden door, trying to regulate his breathing. A million questions flooded his thoughts and threw his mind into a frenzy. A wider range of emotions coursed through his being than he thought he was ever capable of experiencing. But all those questions and feelings were irrelevant if he didn’t speak to her. He needed to find her.

Regaining his composure, Colonel Mustang slipped out of his office and into the main compound. He encountered two or three commissioned officers and casually asked if they had seen his Lieutenant.  None were of any help. 

The sound of rifle fire in the distance cleared his head.

_Of course. Where else would she be?_

As quickly as he could carry on without looking like a crazed maniac, Roy hoofed it to the East Area HQ outdoor gun range. It was further than he anticipated and far more secluded. He cut through a wooded area and fought with a twig or two, using the crack of another rifle shot to guide him.

Finally coming within visible distance, he spotted Riza reloading the rifle with less than her usual dexterity.  A woman, presumably Catalina, observed with a smirk plastered on her face. She stood, leaning on a wooden barrier facing his direction, but had yet to  spot him. He began to walk into the open until he heard they were having a conversation. It sounded like she was teasing Hawkeye.

“Why don’t you just transfer? I’m sure there are tons of people that would love to work for the Colonel.”

He huffed.

“You know I can’t do that.” Riza told her, concentrating on her aim.

Roy felt a wave of relief, she didn’t hate him completely. Yet.  

“Why?” Rebecca leaned in with an unrelenting self-satisfied look on her face. “Because you’re in love with him?” 

_What?_

“What?” He heard Hawkeye exclaim, mirroring his thought and turning to glare at the brunette. Mustang could see her getting visibly tense, but she quickly reverted to her regular calm disposition. He watched her regain focus and tell her friend, “I don’t love him.”

Another loud pop sounded in the air from her firearm and an untouched target stood in front of her. _Riza missed._ He figured now was a good as time as any and he stepped out as Catalina looked towards the Riza’s missed target. 

Rebecca whistled. “Wow! You can make that poker face all you want, honey. But that target doesn’t lie.” She said, turning to face Riza and that’s when she spotted him. For whatever reason, he froze too.

He stared at Riza who, safely set aside the rifle.  Judging by her fingers curled in claws from frustration, she looked like she was about to implode. Catalina warily glanced between Riza and Roy with disbelief.

Riza groaned in exasperation. “Look, maybe I do. Maybe I’ve loved him for _years._ Maybe I get devastated by that fact that I am and nothing could ever come of it. **_Maybe_ ** it irritates me to no end that I can’t look at any other man the same way.”

Roy saw Riza succumb to her indignation; the timid girl, the perfect soldier finally coloring outside of the lines. And his brain could barely process what she was saying.

But her tirade continued, “Other men ask me on dates. I’m an attractive female... don’t look at me like that.” She pointed, but Catalina out her arms up in defense.  “But you know what I do? I compare them to him _\- all of them_. And it’s infuriating to no end.” Riza tapped her chest intensely as she spoke, “I get this aggravatingly warm feeling in my chest when I see him, especially when he smiles or worse, his laugh. And _oh my God,_ I couldn’t stop smiling after that flower incident I told you about. So yes, maybe…maybe I am in love Mustang, okay? Is that what you wanted hear?”

Rebecca looked smug with her arms crossed, but her eyes didn’t focus on Riza. Riza followed them and all the blood from her face drained. His own breath pitched, shocked as she was.  He stood like a stick in the middle of a frozen pond, but his own heart threatened to beat out of his ribcage. 

Riza cleared her throat, but her voice still cracked. “H-how long have you been standing there?” 

He didn’t think, he didn’t care. “Long enough.” Roy told her, striding towards her. She took a reactionary step back, but he cupped her face and guided her lips towards his. 

She initially resisted, lightly pushing away. But he persisted until she melted under his kiss. He pulled her in closer, wrapping his arms around her waist. Without warning, she ran her hands through his hair and they both succumbed to the embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID I GET YOU? DID YOU THINK HE WAS GOING TO? AHAHAHAHHA 
> 
> comments and feedback always appreciated <3

**Author's Note:**

> Tl;dr:  roy mustang has a cher from clueless moment
> 
> A/N: I wrote a really depressing and angsty oneshot(?) for my drabble challenge over on tumblr/ff.net and I needed this fluff piece to make my day. I plan to deliver the ending on Valentine's Day. I hope you enjoyed it~ 
> 
> Inspiration from the Bachata song "Darte un Beso" (Give you a kiss) by Prince Royce.


End file.
